​(An excerpt from my upcoming book, "Let Him Kiss Me" - Copyright protected. All rights reserved.)
 
You went to talking to me
I was trying to handle a little business
I wasn’t really listening but I heard you speaking
You seemed to be excited about something
I really wanted to be in the moment with you
But my interests were split
 
We were almost at home
I hadn’t looked at you once during our trip
The phone and computer had me transfixed
I did notice you were happy
So I could take this time to do my marketing
To write. To call. To post. To edit.
To do everything except tend to you.
 
Once we got settled in, I went right back to work.
Then awhile later I heard you talking
What were you talking about?
Who were you talking to?
Now I was listening.
Now I could hear you well.
 
You laughed and told someone about your day
I didn’t know you had closed a client.
I didn’t know it had taken you months to do so.
I had no idea what it all meant to you.
How had I missed all of this new info you’re telling someone else right now?
 
I walked into the dining room
You were parked at the table laughing and chatting.
I was excited for you. I wanted to celebrate.
Finally you hung up. I still don’t know why I asked.
“Who was that, baby? And why am I just hearing all of this?”
You looked confused. Then hurt. Then accepting.
“That was Tina. I told you all this in the car after…”
You were still talking but I was stuck on Tina.
 
She was celebrating your good news a lot lately.
She was around all the time, always smiling. Always looking fresh and ready, always tuned in to your needs, always calling at the wrong time. Now she was celebrating with you again. And where was I?
 
That night, I simply asked the question because I had to.
“How do you feel about Tina?”
You laid there quiet so long that I became unsure of if I had spoken to you. But I had asked.
You had heard me.
 
“Tina is just a good friend. She is always there for me. She’s helping me build my dream and I trust her. You know, I love her, I guess. Not like you, baby. But you know…”
 
I laid there quietly pondering what you were saying.
“Why do you always go to her first when good things happen to you?”
Again, there was a long silence.
This silence held something. It was about to give birth.
“Actually, I come to you first. But you are always working. You are either writing a book, reading someone else’s book, marketing books, researching grants, teaching a class or otherwise occupied with your coaching. I know how important it is for you to do what you do so I don’t take it personal that you stopped listening to me a long time ago.”
 
I could not deny that I had tuned you out
But my heart argued that I loved you and I was there.
What does there mean, though, if you aren’t really there?
What was I doing but the same thing I had done before?
This path is leading to loss.
 
I sat up in the bed and turned toward you.
Your eyes were as beautiful as they had been on the day I first loved you. Your energy was as warm and welcoming as it ever was. Nothing had really changed and I wasn’t going to let it change.
 
“I’m sorry that I’ve left room for others to do what you want me to do. I’m sorry if you ever felt that my work was more important than you. I’m sorry that I stopped actively listening. I’m sorry for every night I made you come to bed alone and wake up alone, for every meal you wanted but I didn’t make time to prepare for you. I’m sorry for every night you longed to make love to me but I chose to stay up and work, or was too tired to oblige you. I make no excuses. I love you now even more than I once did. Not one quiet moment was my heart contemplating about you because you are the one thing I’m sure of. I want to be what you need me to be. And when I am missing some cues, call me out on it so that I can fix it. I’m not willing to lose you, not your attention, not your energy, not your love.”
 
We fixed it that night. We fix it every night. Because love needs maintenance and care. It cannot be put on autopilot.

During my hiatus, I had the opportunity to learn a considerable amount about drugs and addictions. The complexity of it all, but the simplicity of the hunger, the urge, the drive. It's maddening! The emotional fallout is unbelievable! That you can want something that is so damning to your life is completely beyond the grasp of sane people. For the truth is, addiction is an insanity. The drug of choice is the portal to let that insanity play out. You may not have chosen a chemical. Maybe, like me,  your drug of choice is love.

One of my friends used to love reminding me that we can't help who our heart loves. I didn't argue the fact out loud, but I didn't fully embrace her theory. I hadn't yet met the one who would show me the truth of it. Indeed, many men and women right now go about their daily lives, working, shopping, smiling, laughing, whooping it up for the world. But when the lights are off, when the world is quiet, when the distractions cease, they can't help but remember the ones they really love. You know exactly what I mean. Get honest since no one is watching you read this blog. That man/woman who you still wish you had, still miss with everything in you, still respond to when you see them or hear from/about them. You may have someone else. You may do everything you can do to make them happy, to celebrate them, and to love them. But the truth is, inside you there is another and you know it. You're painfully aware.

For all intents and purposes, some people would say that it doesn't matter if you still love someone in your heart of hearts. But I beg to differ. One of the most important things in the world is your heart and what abides there. Out of the heart flows the issues of life. Our hearts can condemn us. Our hearts can mislead us. Your heart is the core of your soul and it must be kept, guarded, watched and frequently purged. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a position you didn't plan for or see coming because love never stops calling.

When someone is in your heart, whether you want them there or not, whether they deserve to be there or not, that attachment is not easily broken. Running off with Mr. Perfect or Mrs. Got-it-Together won't stop love from calling out to you. It won't stop you from yearning, wishing and missing. It won't stop the dull ache that never really seems to go away. And time won't heal it. Many women have walked away from "Johnny" and married "Larry" just to end up cheating on Larry with Johnny or Johnny Proxy many years down the line. Who is Johnny Proxy--- Johnny Proxy is the man who reminded you of someone, the one you found yourself drawn to because the fire for Johnny himself never died. Oh, men do it too. Often, you guys try to drown out whatever emotional attachments you feel with every vagina you run across in a 100 mile radius. There is an better way to deal with the call of love lost, the longing of what once way, and the attachment that seems to linger. 

When love calls, answer the phone. Have the conversation you need to have. Close the issue when you can. Don't embrace denial and don't try the game of substitution. Deal with what it is--- it's over and there is no going back. Put your heart before Father and let Him heal you, do the spiritual surgery necessary. Maybe you didn't realize it, but a breakup is akin to separating babies who are sharing one body. You need a specialist, and thank God, we have one in Him.

I'm telling you this because it's true. You and I are the only ones here. I know how hard it is to put the phone down, to stop texting, calling, to ignore FB messages, to delete profiles and block further contact. And even with all that, there is still this love. But I also know how good it feels to be free. I mean, honestly, have you ever been FREE? When was the last time you met someone as just yourself without all the soul ties? I mean, do you even know how you like your own eggs without the men or women you've had? I believe it is time to find out so that when love calls to you again, the right love, you can answer as a free man, a free woman. Godspeed out there.