Many of you know that I've been gone for 10 months. Not everyone knows why. I debated whether I would even do this post because my views before going to prison and my views after leaving have changed considerably. Before I left, I was fighting it. I've been fighting it for years. I didn't feel I deserved it, and frankly didn't see how I had time to be locked away. Now that I'm home, I realized my next shift was behind the fence at ADC-McPherson Unit. Here's the story.
In 2005, I ended up hospitalized for 3 weeks 2 days. I actually ended up checking myself out of the hospital. My heart was in pretty bad shape. I ended up with several returned checks, 3 of which were for my medicine, and a couple others for gas and grocery, etc. The prosecutor at the time did try to work with me and I paid off a few of the checks but I wasn't working while going back and forth into the hospital. Long story short: I ended up on probation for hot checks, supposed 5 years probation, 5 years suspended imposition of sentencing. I understood that to be just five years. (It wasn't) In the beginning, the probation wasn't a problem but beginning in 2008, it seemed like every year they were trying to violate me for some reason or another.
In 2013, I caught a first degree battery charge from a domestic situation. It was then dropped to second degree battery, but they were still trying to give me 15 years for what amounted to self-defense. Later, I took a plea for a one year suspended sentence on misdemeanor domestic battery. They had threw out my probation revocation before then. But immediately after, like 2 months after the plea, I got hit again with a probation revocation. Accepting the plea was violation number 1. Then, I was living in Houston and in Warren. They judge had given me permission to go to Texas, but probation didn't. (Partly because they couldn't agree if I was still on probation. I didn't even have an officer.) Violation number 2 was traveling without permission, leaving the district. Violation number 3 was absconding because I had stopped reporting due to being informed I was no longer on probation. As I said, I didn't even have an officer. But legal arguments aside, I ended up with my probation revoked and with a 6 year sentence after having been on paper for 9 years already. That, to me, was freaking ridiculous! But here's the truth...
I didn't want prison but I did need it. I needed some time to stop moving and shaking. I needed some time just to work on me. I did actually have an issue with anger but I was too busy to see that. I didn't sit still long enough to know how much emotional, spiritual and psychic pain I was in. I just kept going and going, really trying to run from my own problems. Now let me tell you, I got a lot accomplished but there was no lasting joy in it. I was preaching healing and teaching it and training and helping thousands... everyone but myself. Not to mention I was in love... yes, I can finally admit it. I loved a man who loved me back, but our relationship was chaotic at best. I was living between 3 states by the end of this ordeal. That may sound cool, but honey, if you don't have a jet to get you back and forth between them, it's actually just a headache. A very expensive headache.
Going to prison took me out of range of phones and internet and everyone else's problems. I was not a "superstar" to anyone there. No one expected a thing out of me. I had no image to maintain. And honestly, after the first month or so, I walked around happy most days. I had my days now... dealing with all those women, the guards and just the setting itself can become stressful, but it was way easier than my previous lifestyle. I was angered to the point of seeing red a few times, but I kept my hands to myself. I was respectful. I was never written up. And eventually, the guards even bought some of my books. But the best part of the vacation was the feeling of reconnecting with my Source... that feeling of basking in His love unashamedly, without guilt. I prayed for others still, but mostly I prayed for myself. I ministered to myself. I tried some my own processes and relished them. It was all about Lacresha!
In the real world, sometimes we feel guilty when we want time for self, when we don't do, do, and do for others. Yes, I fought it. No, it wasn't right how they took my freedom. But I believe there is a verse we often forget that says ALL things work together for the good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. I am so much happier, I mean heart happier. I'm more balanced, less chaotic. I don't have a temper I will ever claim again. I wouldn't recommend anyone test it by hitting me (LMBO) but I feel more at one with God and with everyone else. I'm good with anyone who walks away, or anything that is lost. I'm just good altogether.
Bulletproof? You betcha! And I thank God for it!
In 2005, I ended up hospitalized for 3 weeks 2 days. I actually ended up checking myself out of the hospital. My heart was in pretty bad shape. I ended up with several returned checks, 3 of which were for my medicine, and a couple others for gas and grocery, etc. The prosecutor at the time did try to work with me and I paid off a few of the checks but I wasn't working while going back and forth into the hospital. Long story short: I ended up on probation for hot checks, supposed 5 years probation, 5 years suspended imposition of sentencing. I understood that to be just five years. (It wasn't) In the beginning, the probation wasn't a problem but beginning in 2008, it seemed like every year they were trying to violate me for some reason or another.
In 2013, I caught a first degree battery charge from a domestic situation. It was then dropped to second degree battery, but they were still trying to give me 15 years for what amounted to self-defense. Later, I took a plea for a one year suspended sentence on misdemeanor domestic battery. They had threw out my probation revocation before then. But immediately after, like 2 months after the plea, I got hit again with a probation revocation. Accepting the plea was violation number 1. Then, I was living in Houston and in Warren. They judge had given me permission to go to Texas, but probation didn't. (Partly because they couldn't agree if I was still on probation. I didn't even have an officer.) Violation number 2 was traveling without permission, leaving the district. Violation number 3 was absconding because I had stopped reporting due to being informed I was no longer on probation. As I said, I didn't even have an officer. But legal arguments aside, I ended up with my probation revoked and with a 6 year sentence after having been on paper for 9 years already. That, to me, was freaking ridiculous! But here's the truth...
I didn't want prison but I did need it. I needed some time to stop moving and shaking. I needed some time just to work on me. I did actually have an issue with anger but I was too busy to see that. I didn't sit still long enough to know how much emotional, spiritual and psychic pain I was in. I just kept going and going, really trying to run from my own problems. Now let me tell you, I got a lot accomplished but there was no lasting joy in it. I was preaching healing and teaching it and training and helping thousands... everyone but myself. Not to mention I was in love... yes, I can finally admit it. I loved a man who loved me back, but our relationship was chaotic at best. I was living between 3 states by the end of this ordeal. That may sound cool, but honey, if you don't have a jet to get you back and forth between them, it's actually just a headache. A very expensive headache.
Going to prison took me out of range of phones and internet and everyone else's problems. I was not a "superstar" to anyone there. No one expected a thing out of me. I had no image to maintain. And honestly, after the first month or so, I walked around happy most days. I had my days now... dealing with all those women, the guards and just the setting itself can become stressful, but it was way easier than my previous lifestyle. I was angered to the point of seeing red a few times, but I kept my hands to myself. I was respectful. I was never written up. And eventually, the guards even bought some of my books. But the best part of the vacation was the feeling of reconnecting with my Source... that feeling of basking in His love unashamedly, without guilt. I prayed for others still, but mostly I prayed for myself. I ministered to myself. I tried some my own processes and relished them. It was all about Lacresha!
In the real world, sometimes we feel guilty when we want time for self, when we don't do, do, and do for others. Yes, I fought it. No, it wasn't right how they took my freedom. But I believe there is a verse we often forget that says ALL things work together for the good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. I am so much happier, I mean heart happier. I'm more balanced, less chaotic. I don't have a temper I will ever claim again. I wouldn't recommend anyone test it by hitting me (LMBO) but I feel more at one with God and with everyone else. I'm good with anyone who walks away, or anything that is lost. I'm just good altogether.
Bulletproof? You betcha! And I thank God for it!
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