I contemplated writing this blog post for many months. It never seemed to be the right time to share this portion of my life. Shame and fear were in the way. But there comes a time when a coach has to coach herself. A minister has to minister to herself. I had to take my own advice and do what I knew was right.

I was sent to prison in 2011 for a probation violation, federal system. When I got out, my husband was gone. I had no money. But because I'd gone to a facility with great medical care, my body was finally on the mend. I was depressed though. I was lost and afraid. And I was lonely. Those aspects caused me to grasp at whatever was in front of me and that nearly cost me my life.

For 3 years, I dated an abuser. He abused me emotionally and physically. He cussed me, called me every name imaginable. He cheated. He lied repeatedly. It got so bad that I actually ended up stabbing him in self-defense during a pretty bad fight. And for this, I'm still going back and forth to court, facing up to 15 years in prison for defending myself. That, ladies and gentlemen, is called a storm. My life was torn up, though for all public accounts, I was okay. My career was on an upswing and my name was as good as gold. But my personal life was a catastrophe. So, how does a minister, a coach, a business owner, an empowerment personality end up where I was?

It was loneliness and fear of facing this world all alone. But more importantly, it was a portion of testimony that I needed. Somehow, though I had been unfaithful in past better relationships, I managed to stay true to this guy. Somehow, I was changing rapidly for the better while being treated like a mangy dog. And while I experienced pain at this man's hands like no one else, to the degree of him blaming me for being molested as a kid and raped, even with all that, it felt as if I was trapped. I had no money. I had very little income even with a business. I had very few clients. I had no one I could trust to say, "Hey, I need help!" So I suffered and suffered and suffered.

It took me 3 years, but finally as I began to step more into my business and calling, as I began listening to the testimonies of those I was coaching, I was able to walk away. I didn't walk away wealthy or even comfortable. In fact, I spent several nights sleeping in my car on the hospital parking lot. I didn't walk away into the arms of another man. I decided to trust God. After all, I had been unprotected, unloved, disrespected and mistreated by this guy. God had been my saving grace even in that mess. And so my light came on and I decided to drop the fear, the stories and the pain. All that existed was me, a creation, and God, the Creator. Then instantly, and I do mean instantly, I saw a path open before me. I saw what freedom looked like. 

Don't let your story stop with loneliness and fear. And don't submit yourself to ill treatment out of fear that God will fail you. Sometimes, free people endure hardships. Sometimes, you can get so hungry for whatever that slavery seems more advantageous. That is the lure of the enemy to keep you in bondage. He can only bind you with your own permission. I took my freedom back, praise God. What will you do?

Love is such an amazing thing. These past few months, I've found a whole new depth to love. And I find myself "falling" in deep, head over heels for me. For years, people would tell me to love myself and I thought I did but I had no clue what loving me was really all about.

These days, I take time to sit with myself to see how I feel and why, to know what thoughts are present most often in my mind, and to simply enjoy my own company. Seems the more time I spend with myself, seems the more freely I fall in love, not all over again, but for the first time.

It takes time to get beyond past pain, current frustrations and future fear. But if you will take the time to do so, on the other side is freedom, joy and peace. Circumstances may remain trying, but your joy will be firmly rooted in the love you've discovered for the person God created you to be. How can you say you love Him whom you've never seen and not love your brother and sister who you see everyday was the question posed to us in the Bible? A step further to help scripture interpret itself is, how can you love God and your neighbor if you have not yet allowed love to be a reality in and for yourself? May this be the beginning of transition in your life.

One day I was staring at someone. I'm not sure what I was looking at or looking for, but I sat there transfixed. I could not tear my eyes away. Then I heard a voice which at first I thought for sure was someone else's, but it turned out to be my own. What are you looking for?

What indeed?

For many years of my life, I wasn't completely sure of myself. I had so many conflicting desires, emotions and traits that I'd get confused as to which belonged to the REAL me. I was sweet and loving, but deadly and vengeful. I was intelligent but made dumb decisions. I wanted to be married but I wanted to be alone. The list goes on. During those times, I watched people a lot, especially other women. It wasn't until many years after I found my own identity that I realized why I would stare and get lost in other people. I was looking for something to identify with, looking for myself, or someone to model myself after.

There are many people who have not embraced themselves and have not found their own identity. When we're in a lost state, the words, opinions and sneers of others tend to get in our hearts. Because we have no foundation and no faith in ourselves, we allow their words and judgments to become our personal truths. But the truth is, you are who you are. If some things seem to conflict in your personality, in your desires and in your character, it is because we were never meant to be typed or boxed in as creations of the Most High. The reason you make no sense to yourself is because you're still trying to fit yourself into a little neat box. The day that I stopped judging myself and trying to define who I am, I became who I am supposed to be, ME. I didn't have to look for myself in people or how they responded to me. I didn't have to beg people to believe in me or believe with me. I didn't need flattery and criticism didn't touch my heart. You see, when you realize you are who you are, capable of all things, fully equipped and lacking nothing, it doesn't matter if you are a ball of contradictions. You learn to love you like you stand right NOW. That self-love opens the doors of possibilities that will allow you to become the best you possible.

No longer look for yourself in the eyes of others. That's not where the truth of you lies. It lies within you. God created you with everything you need. There is truly nothing lacking and no validation from others is needed! Indeed!

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As I watch Politics Nation on MSNBC, I'm amazed! I've loosely followed the tragedies in Florida with my mouth sort of open in shock that in 2014 we're still at such a disadvantage as black people. I mean, in my own little bubble, I sometimes forget I'm black and most of my friends are white. We're just people striving to have great lives together.

So what is happening in Florida? They are trying to make sure people can stand their ground and use deadly force to do so. Two white men have killed black young men without receiving the sentencing they deserved. A black woman who fired a warning shot that hit no one was sent to prison. Justice is not equal in Florida and apparently blacks cannot assume they will receive the same protections under the law as their white counterparts. What does this have to do with you?

Namely, whether you're white or black, we all have to watch our lawmakers. I'm not of the opinion that most people are prejudice. I believe most people are uninformed. We leave our courts unchecked and our lawmakers too free to venture from their promises and our wishes. The news makes us afraid and sometimes seeks to steal our power by making the problem seem too big for us. But this country is great because it is supposed to be a country ran by the people for the people. We all, each voice, has power.

In states like Florida, it isn't just the trampling on the rights of blacks that is alarming. The most alarming aspect of miscarriage of the law is that it can truly happen to anyone. Look at it this way: all people are protected under the law, so to speak. Blacks were ensured extra protection under the letter of the law because it was necessary. Now if someone who has been afforded extra protection can be so easily violated, what protects those who are only basically covered? I mean, if someone will trample five laws to hurt someone, what keeps them from trampling two to hurt you?

I don't want you to be afraid. I want you to be informed. I want you to begin thinking beyond the news shows, beyond the televised promises of politicians and get involved with YOUR life, even the political parts. Be true to YOUR values. You're going to leave this world to YOUR children. We cannot put this country on autopilot. We MUST man the helm or our children will pay the price!

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I rarely watch political addresses outside of the Presidential debates. Nevertheless, I had the opportunity to watch the State of the Union address tonight. My first response- I loved the speech!

If I had to claim a political party, I'd be Republican, though it isn't anything to do with the Republicans of today. I'm nearly ashamed to claim any party. I mean, fights are not the way to solve anything. Once a man is elected, I think that while an opposing party should check his power, they should never buck his authority or hurt the people who elected them trying to influence public outrage against him.

The true State of the Union is divided, unproductive and unforgiving. That's not something laws and meetings can fix. It is an issue with each personal heart, the desire to fight and rebel. It's plagued us before politics began and will survive beyond the time of a democratic government or any other.

I appeal to you to make God a huge part of your personal life so that you are more true to your character and standards than to your political affiliations. If the man of the opposing party has the helm and a go-able plan, I say hop aboard and run with him, help him. In the end, it is only 1 country. In the end, your children will pay the price for your political bias! Just my thoughts...

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Do you imagine that God has forgotten any promise He made? Do you imagine somehow your wrongs are "wronger" than those of others? And do you see that as the roadblock to God's love and faithfulness? 

God's love is not fickle. He is not one to abandon the work of His hands. Sometimes, we sit around and focus too much on the ills of the world and we blame God because we think He is failing us by not making this life easier. We fail to see His loving protection or His plan of freedom for us.

God wants you to be so free that not even He is a requirement, and He isn't. You know, God does not force us to serve Him or love Him. We are absolutely free to live any life we want. But in that freedom, we must accept the consequences of the life we choose. That is the biggest proof of God's love and it is unending. Without fail, God is going to protect your freedom. He's going to love you where you are, no matter your choices. His love won't change if you deny Him. In fact, serving Him doesn't make Him love you any better. The love He has for His children is irrevocable. Don't even imagine your choices can change that. Choices bring consequences but no choice or consequence will ever change God's love for you. 

When you are going through things, it isn't because God is angry or trying to teach you a lesson. The people who preach God's wrath are often the ones most in need of His love. It isn't wrath that created hell or the reality of separation. It was His love and because He is a Father, it's His job to make sure He protects those who embrace the Truth. So, even when we make our beds in hell, we are not unloved. No different than when you must punish or discipline your children, not out of hatred but out of love.

More encouragement coming. Join me at Your Healing Partner, Facebook and at Officially Lacresha Hayes. God bless you!

As 2013 draws to a close, some are giddy with excitement at the prospect of a new year and possible new beginnings. But the Bible records that each day is just that because each day, He gives us new mercies, new opportunities to change what needs changing and to trust what He's spoken.

It isn't the passing of a calendar year that is going to make the difference in your life. It is the trusting of the GOD who never changes, fails or lies that will make the difference. Each day for the believer is a day of celebration because each day has its own journey, trials and rewards. Don't allow yourself to be too fat on hype alone. Rather, seek to make daily growth your lifestyle. Rather than endless resolutions, make one and keep it daily - I WILL TRUST THE LORD! God bless you.

Depression was a state of being for me for the majority of my life. Indeed, I've only been walking free for a few years. During some particularly low points, I did attempt suicide, which left issues that I must still deal with today.

In recent news, pastors and their children are committing suicide at an alarming rate. Depression is widespread. People are bottling their emotions, afraid to seek help, and are pumped full of fear by the media they love. Thus, it is no surprise that suicide is contemplated so often, and successfully carried out many times.

So what is the problem? Part of it is that we do not stop to smell the roses, to love one another wholly. We are souls, composed of a mind that can break, a will that can weaken and emotions that can be chaotic and misleading. When those pains and issues are not handled, people crumble and seek release from the pain, the anguish, the hopelessness and the worthlessness they feel. Often, that is where suicide meets depression. But it can be stopped by helping others to find resources, find coaches, find Christian counseling or otherwise. We have to read the right books, visit the right pages, surround ourselves by strong, prayerful and positive people. Influence and surrounding are everything for an emotionally damaged person. And whether you believe it or not, we all suffer some emotional damage. If you've never visited the darker, more painful side, it is probably a testament to the wonderful people in your life. Love prevents it, not felt love but shared love. Shalom!

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At no time in life are we truly alone. Even when no people are present, God is there. Today during a particularly difficult moment, I remember feeling completely forsaken. Now, while everyone wants me to believe that I'm too mature in Christ to feel that way, I believe it was purpose even in that moment and that emotion, as suffocating as it was.

In those moments when we feel alone, we have a choice to make. Thankfully, I was not even physically alone going through my moment. I had a visible person and audible voice of reason. Still, I had to make a decision to either throw away everything that I knew to embrace all that I felt or trust what I know to be true and allow the peace of that knowledge to soothe me.

At some point in your faith, in fact many times on your journey of faith, you'll have to believe when all the odds go against your belief. There is no way to escape it. But if you face down the emotions that suffocate and the gloomy thoughts that plague, all that is left is God's peace. I speak that to you tonight and every night for the rest of your life. God bless and thanks for being faithful readers here at blog. 

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As a person who has suffered several illnesses, one quite debilitating, I know about natural limits. I know how it feels to be limited, to feel as if there is a top to your growth that you'll never be able to overcome. Well, God has taught me a lesson.

While my body is limited, my body does not constitute my full existence. I am a spirit housed here and so, while my house is limited, I myself am not. In the height of my physical pain, I was limited in movement, to a point I was required to use a walker. I was limited in my thinking also, because it seemed the pain drowned out every other thought. But in the middle of all that hopelessness, I was introduced to myself, to my spirit person. 

In life, emotions tend to scream at you. Circumstances block you. Thoughts may cripple you. But when everything else breaks down, you are left with only you, and that is the place you discover the real you. Then, in that moment of discovery, you learn the boundlessness of living in that person, that spirit person who actually possesses direction, wisdom, strength and unconditional joy. You discover that all of the horrible happenings, all of the emotional meltdowns, all of the angry, sad or hopeless thoughts did nothing to devalue the person you are. Your value is only enhanced by the knowledge gained through your experiences, whatever they may have been. You see, when you live in that spirit person, you are connected to a different source and governed under new dominion, real dominion. That spirit person is the part made in the image of God, the part that is able to embrace the full and abundant life God created us to live and Christ died to restore to us. Time to embrace it.... be free and take spiritual flight. You are truly limitless!

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